It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
