I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
