I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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