if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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