oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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