I am puke
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize