You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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