i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
