You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
