i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
