doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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