My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
