where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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