he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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