Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
