I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
