I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
