the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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