butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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