we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
