I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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