Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
