I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize