i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it's like iHOP with fire
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They took my balls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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