If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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