i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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