ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
