Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wish my penis had a tongue
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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