I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Pooping to opera.
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