My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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