I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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