we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize