i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
