I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
