she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
