Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
