remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
