Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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