I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
