just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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