i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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