and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
