can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
