READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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