I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
