what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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