i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
