i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
