I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
