Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
