did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
