I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
BRING THE BAGELS
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
