Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We left the knife in your bed.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
