Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
