Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
