READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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