I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
