apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
