Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
