your parents love me but you hate me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
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