You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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