Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
