Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
