I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
