I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
