I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
