oh god the rape fog is back!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
