just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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