Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
