i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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