I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think your dad took our porno
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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