There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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